.

It’s funny to think about, but in a few months from now, I will be officially vacating teenagehood and in a year after, will be a full fledged adult.

Adulthood. With bills and responsibilities and social expectations that I have no intention of fulfilling. Adulthood, where the fact that my music consists strictly of only gospel and Disney songs would definitely seem awkward to certain people, where the fact that I would definitely still pick up ‘Diaries of  Wimpy Kid’ or ‘Dork Diaries’ to read and enjoy reading would come off as odd and bizarre to a lot of people, where I am supposed to start talking about things like bills and my career and thinking about building a house and taking interest into the purchase of land and shares from a company.

But, like, I should be used to thinking about the concept of adulthood. I have, after all, been an adult for two years, ever since I turned eighteen.

But eighteen is a funny age. It is that age where you sort of know that you are an adult, say it out loud proudly in the occasions in which you know that being an adult has its benefits, such as when your parents ask why you were out late, but you never really feel it, you know.

Cos you’re still a teenager. For all the hype that comes with the age of eighteen, you still know that you can still call your parents for money and expect it to be sent to you, that you can still make mistakes and be able to have some sort of support to run back to, even in instances where you are no longer living with your parents. The entire world acknowledges that you are an adult, but you are not expected to have begun working on drafting a Curriculum Vitae and no one tells you that the fact that you still have a thing for cute plaid skirts and walk around with jeans that have star patterns on them is a bit childish, or that you should outgrow some of you collection of little collectibles that you have spent all of your teenage life gathering.  

No one really questions you when you sit down to watch cartoon network with your siblings or still get excited over Nickelodeon teen choice awards or are still walking around with a lollipop in your mouth.

No one questions that, because within the ages of eighteen and nineteen, you are in the sort of weird spot that preteens find themselves, in that spot where you are not quite a teenager but not quite an adult either. You are just in the middle, slowly progressing into adulthood, noticing that maybe you would actually appreciate it if you came back home to a clean lodge and taking action in line with that, or that you could actually, on your own, decide to make a meal to eat, or that you are suddenly taking interest in things that you never even used to notice, like floor mats and furniture.

It is a fun time to be in, and a scary time, because for most people, just like me, it is the first time that you get to leave your parent’s nest and feel as though you finally have the world at your fingertips. That is the time that people say is the best time of your life though that is very arguable, the time that people term as the college years, even though the college years extend to your twenties, the time that people say is meant to be spent being free and exploring the world.

But then, that all changes when you turn twenty. Now, I have not yet entered my twenties, but I know that it is one of the most hectic years of your life. In between the ages of 20 to 29, you are expected to have finished the university, gotten your degree, gotten a job, gotten married, and had a kid. The twenties can either be the most dreadful and pressurizing years of your life, as you try and fail to build what would end up being the foundation of the rest of your life, or you can manage it. It cannot also be good for some people, I guess.

You know, just about a month or two ago, I was with a group of people and a question was asked on where we see ourselves in the next ten years. Just to retain the perspective, in the next ten years, I would be a twenty nine year old making my way to thirty. And I got to see and watch all my peers talk about how they would want to have so and so companies and enterprises and which areas of law they would want to specialize in- I am a law student- whilst I just sat, having a bit of a life crises and dreading the time in which I would be called on to answer the question.

My answer was simple and short, and one that I am usually not so comfortable with telling people due to the social standards in Nigeria, but I said that I did not see marriage in view in my life in the next ten years, neither did I even see myself practicing law, the course that I am studying and I am actually quite good at. When asked what I wanted, I said that I wanted to live in solitude, spending days and days on my own doing nothing but pouring out my thoughts and ideas on my laptop, in the midst of a very quiet and peaceful environment, probably the inside of a brick house in the middle of a very big forest just like one of the most famous writers in my country that I once had the honour of meeting, Wole Soyinka.

And they looked at me as though I was crazy. There were two people who got me though, one that said that we were similar as she too wanted the same solitude and the other who just nodded and said that he understood.

I felt more comfortable saying this because, well, they were my mates, but I remember the several times that I have told my parents of the fact that I did not have marriage in view. I have never ever had the courage to tell them that there might be a chance that I might not end up practicing the course that I am studying though, I have not yet found the courage for that, and besides, I am well aware that my interests may change and that I might end up finding a particular area of law that might interest me so much, that I would end up venturing into practicing that area in the future.

My mother especially gets particularly upset when I say that and my father hushes me, saying that the tongue is powerful and that I should not use it to proclaim such negativity. I think he thinks it is just a phase. And I cannot say if it is or not, cannot even say if I wish for it to be or not, but one thing that I can say is that every passing day, I am caught up with the horrors of the responsibility which would soon be impaled upon me by society when I emerge as a twenties girl, deemed ready and mature enough to emerge into the realities of the real world.